Please, internet, don't ruin my Star Wars christmas

It's just not like the old days.
Back in 1980 when The Empire Strikes Back was about to launch we only had the playground banter amongst Star Wars fans. We loved it. Probably a bit too much.
Nobody else got us. The girls hadn't yet discovered Star Wars as there was Grease or something.
So we all speculated like crazy about what might happen and of course none of us could have guessed the plot twist surrounding Vader and Skywalker.
Zoom forward 37 years and you just can't avoid talk of the latest instalment.
Everything's been written by anybody keen to up their SEO.
A post credits scene, hints at the opening crawl, Rey heading to the dark side, Ren coming the other way...
Please. Just quit it. I just can't turn myself off the internet. It's a huge part of my life (I'm a web developer).
That said, the speculation can be fun and occasionally over a few pints me and my fellow nerds (the exact same nerds from 37 years ago!) will square things with startling accuracy. And then once we've finished with Star Wars we'll tackle the Premier League, amongst other things.